It has been and will still be him.
Oh Ann... It's been 2 years..
edit.. and 2 crushes already. Get over it.

We have homework for a Psychology 191 class I have in Uni (I know right? Who gives homework in College?). To be honest, that's the only class I have that I actually look forward to, but that doesn't say a lot since the only classes I have are Math 14, Philosophy I, Biology I and Natural Science 2. So it's a pretty easy to decide which part of the day I can take my naps. Anyway, we were asked to:

- Interview 5-6 people who know us very well
- Make a survey of 20 questions and ask people to answer them
- Make a genogram (family tree) that has ALL the information you can possibly know about relatives & family (ei. their sicknesses, 2nd wives, how they died, and others)
- For 20 days, during 7 AM, 1 PM and 7 PM each day, jot down what's happening around you and how you're feeling at that particular time

I'm looking forward to doing everything because it sounds like fun and this is the type of homework I like. No calculating, no Math, no Science, no Philosophy, no Biology, no Math, no Math, no Maths, and I have a reason to hang out with people I like. The interviews and surveys would revolve around "The concept of me" so basically, the topic is gonna be about me.

I was never really comfortable with talking about myself with different people. I don't see the point why I should and why they should even listen to what I was about to say. What was so interesting about me anyway? It's not that I have low self-esteem (gotta have some of that if you're college already yes?). Sometimes I just tend to think that there's nothing really worth talking about me. Haha. Except that I have been in some small controversies and some small fights and we all know how much people like talking about dirty stuff like that (oh yes ann, you must have been very very bad). So yeah. That should give you an idea that I'm more of a listener than a talker. Although I do have my moments where I talk too much and should just shut up (cue awkward moments with crush). So it should be interesting how the interviews would go. I'll be listening to my good friends talk about me.. Thinking about it is already making me smile.

Anyway, I think I'll put up the survey in here and have Xanga people answer it, just for fun? Or.. I don't know. Haha. I'm just curious how different (or alike) the answers would turn out between the people who I haven't met in real life to those that I have.

I've always made it a point that with whatever I do in my life - stupid or something slighly close to that, I will learn something from it. Something to help me by and make me wiser about anything, especially at this age. Being 17 has never been was never a joy to begin with as I'd hope it would be. It's like.. being 18 but... not.. really. Anyway. In all my 17 years, one thing that was always sure to make me learn were people's "last looks". It was only nowadays when I realized this. All the while I had thought that the wise words some older people have told me or the silly sayings I've read in countless tabletops were the ones that actually made me think but truth was.. It was those last looks I saw that made me learn a thing or two, especially about people.

I don't know how but when people give me a look, I tend to make an assumption about how they really are and most of the time, I was right. I'm pretty sure that most people are judgemental.. It's in our nature and I'll be the first to admit that, although the type of judgemental person I am is one whose judgements I keep to myself (which is kinda the same thing, I guess).

Thinking back, if I had to count the last looks that people gave me, "annoyed ones" would top the list. Haha. I assume you think me annoying, but I'm really not. I guess in a way, I've disappointed countless number of people in the past and an annoyed face is something close to making me see that. I remember back when I was in Grade 5, I was asking my physical education teacher to show me my grade. I was trying to be cute because he wasn't planning on showing it to me, and I thought that he would have liked the cute-ness it but then he looked down, looked me in the eye and gave me an annoyed look I will NEVER forget. It's one of those looks that you never let a kid see because she'd never forget it. It was the first time anybody ever gave me that face and, let's just say that I'll never ever forget that, even if I tried. Too think I thought I was cute. Sigh.

One look I could never forget was when a boy sang to me.. And what was funny was that he didn't even love me and yet I still felt so loved. That look made me all gooey and girly. It's one of those looks that girls want to see at least once in their life and I'm pretty lucky to have seen that. Now if only my crush looked at me that way. Oh sigh.

There are countless others I've seen people give me. Parents being proud, lover being shy around me, friends laughing at something stupid I did (and constantly do), crying lady at church, strangers offering kind smiles, a policeman who was so concerned during the accident, annoyed kid beaten at Taekwundo match, hundreds of looks that if given the chance - as painful or as nice it would be, I'd give anything to see again.